Social Media Melee

Dr. Kent Brantly tests positive for Ebola; evacuated to US for treatment

Actor Robin Williams commits suicide at age 63

Police shooting in Ferguson, Missouri leaves one man dead; sparks protests, riots and looting

Israel and Palestinians still unable to reach agreement

The list of headlines could go on and on. 

The media hasn't had to put many human interest stories out there the past few weeks. There have been some crazy things happening in the world. I'm not going to share my opinions on the headlines here. I'm going to share my opinions on what I've seen in social media about the headlines. And let me tell you, it's not good. I've seen more anger, ignorance and racism than I could digest. 

And what I want to say is, didn't your mother ever teach you, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Even better, if you don't have something intelligent or constructive to say, don't say anything. Because sometimes the truth isn't nice, but it doesn't have to be delivered hurtfully or in anger (with or without spelling errors).

Social media depression can be induced by all the pretty things we see that we think are better than the real lives we live (which is why I started this blog), but sometimes that depression is brought on by our own collective ugliness. 

Everyone feels free to update their status, tweet or post their passionate opinions on the latest story, and then they're off the hook. They can put down the phone, walk away and leave the rest of us to see their social media vomit. And when everyone is vomiting, it's disgusting.

I know we all come across unintelligent and ignorant things on Facebook that are mostly just for fun (read: "Like this post and see what happens!" Or "What Disney princess are you? I got Ariel.") But when it's about REAL issues, maybe do a little research first, then give your opinion, if you absolutely must. Hearing someone has tested positive for Ebola and is coming to the US for treatment may be important to you, but really only if you know what Ebola is, how it's treated, where it's from, how it's contracted, who now has it, where they're going and all that. One of the best things I saw recently was an article urging everyone to stop speculating and wait for Dr. Brantly to share his story. And I agree because, seriously, no one cares what you would or would not do to contain a deadly virus nor are we interested in your opinion about Dr. Brantly's choices.

The worst comments I've seen on social media, EVER, were on a news channel's Facebook posts about the man shot by police in Ferguson. Wow. The racism was rampant on both sides. The cop haters and supporters alike slinging profanities as if they help validate their positions, when, in fact, the opinions shared only fan the flames of tension, racism and general mistrust. Way to go, everyone. Your social media melee has done nothing for creating peace or racial equality. It's just an angry online riot, and I think we can all do without it. 

In short, I'm calling for an end to social media vomit and rioting. I'm not saying everything shared needs to be roses, cats and recipes. I not saying you shouldn't share your opinions on important (or unimportant) issues. But stay classy. And remember, if you don't have anything nice (or intelligent or constructive) to say, refrain from clicking "post". And proof-reading and spell check wouldn't hurt either. 

Summer

Summer... a time to slow down and enjoy even the simplest things. 

(read: inflatable pool in back yard)

I mean, who doesn't want to lay in a pool full of cold water 

straight from the hose and grass clippings?

It seems like we're doing a lot this summer. We have trips planned, family to visit, the kids have day camp, I'm creating summer buckets filled with activities for the kids, we're getting pool passes, planning play dates, cleaning out clutter and things we no longer need, taking care of our newly landscaped yard... but the things I'm doing are all actually focused on slowing down, simplifying life and connecting with others (you know, since connect is my word for the year). 

As summer starts, I hope you're all able to think about how you want to spend it. I haven't always done that and at the end of summer I was always disappointed that I did so little of what I meant to do. 

Oh, to be a kid again...

I'm determined to make this summer different. I don't know if it's because I have two children in school and I want to make sure their summers are awesome, or if it's because I have a birthday coming up that I'm not looking forward to... (It's not 40, FYI). I'm sure it's a little of both. Whatever the motivation, you can bet that you won't find us inside watching Frozen, playing the Wii or Angry Birds, maybe not even a board game. There's fun to be had outside our home. Things to experience with each other and our friends and family. Wish us luck and many summer adventures!

What do you have planned this summer? I'd love to hear ideas on how to make the most of summer. 

Shadows... we could do this all day

#noshopsummer

You may have just read the title and said, "Did I read that correctly?" No Shop Summer??

Yes. You did read it correctly. And it isn't a prison sentence for my inner shopaholic. I didn't decide to exclude myself from all shopping for the summer (Memorial Day to Labor Day) for monetary reasons or to tame my shopping (although my husband would say that should probably happen). So, why on earth would a woman with skill and means restrict herself in such a way?

1. I want to spend the time I would be browsing Target or the thrift store with my family at the pool or in our back yard or doing something equally fun.

What could be more fun than sweaty pony rides, inflatable pool "swimming", modeling Mommy's sunglasses and playing so hard you pass out at dinner? 

2. It's a mental challenge. Instead of shopping in stores, I'm shopping my own closet to come up with new combinations with the things I already have.

3. This wasn't my idea. It was actually the idea of a friend who said she wanted to do this and I said I'd do it with her. Because something of this magnitude shouldn't be done alone! The part I did come up with was the tag #noshopsummer. I threw it out on Instagram (half thinking NO ONE would desire to go that long without shopping) hoping others would join in because everything is better with friends!

The official logo of #noshopsummer (lol)

4. I want to remind myself and others that most of the time we have everything we need. I don't NEED another striped tee. I don't NEED another tank dress. I don't NEED another pair of Sperry boat shoes (even if they are from the thrift store). My style doesn't depend on what is available in stores at this very moment.

My Plan of Attack
So, I mentioned shopping my closet to come up with new outfit combinations. I'm pretty good at this already because I've done these kinds of style challenges before, and I generally like what I have. I'm also pretty good at coming up with new combinations (if you're willing to mix patterns, it's a lot easier to come up with new combos). BUT I'm NOT great at being intentional about the pieces of my wardrobe. I tend to just get whatever I like because I like it and not worry about what it "goes with". Or I'll pair the same shirt and skirt over and over again because it's easy. But that can get boring. Must. Branch. Out. I promised myself that I'll identify the items of clothing that have always been put together by default and pair the individual pieces with other things. To facilitate all this creativity, I've joined 3 Instagram style challenge calendars that I try to do simultaneously (it's a little crazy. I encourage others to start small). They are #joyfuljunestyle by @curvygirlontherun www.curvygirlontherun.blogspot.com, #justjunestyle by @dontgothriftingwithoutme and #pantsdancejune by @iworepantsblog. 

There's a lot to fit into one outfit some days. If I don't accomplish them all, I don't stress. The main thing is NO SHOPPING. 

I also CAN NOT go to Target! Must avoid at all costs! Or take all 3 of my children. They have no tolerance for the women's clothing department.

I've had to stop opening my email. I get A LOT of updates on the latest sale at, what seems like, every retailer. Don't even look, I tell myself. I remind myself I don't NEED another ___________. Old Navy doesn't NEED my money. Even if it's only $12, it's my $12 and I will keep it, thank you.

I will, however, shop with my birthday money, gift cards, rewards points/money and the Old Navy Super Cash I've accrued. (That will all be gone by mid July, I'm sure.) But my purpose is to be intentional with what I purchase, filling in the gaps of my wardrobe (I have few t-shirts and like 2 pairs of shorts). 

The Social Media Role
I actually chose to include social media in my plan to complete this #noshopsummer challenge. Last time I counted, there were 35 others participating on Instagram (many I didn't know of before the challenge). We show what we've come up with out of our closets and encourage each other to stick with it. This is a tricky thing, however. Because while you're documenting your participation, feeling confident about yourself and your accomplishment and seeing everyone else stick to the challenge, you're seeing what everyone else has... and maybe what you don't have. The desire to acquire becomes strong. Suddenly you can feel like you're missing out due to Instagram's filtered and cropped to perfection world. Your contentment can take a dive, along with your confidence, and suddenly you're browsing J.Crew online and eating a chocolate bar.

But it doesn't have to be that way. We should all remember that it doesn't take a ton of money or a lot of stuff to look good and feel confident in what you're wearing. It just takes a little imagination and determination.

I posted this photo and caption last week:

"Personal style doesn't require a huge investment in clothes. It requires an investment in you. Figure out who you are and what you like and your personal style will come through."

I wholeheartedly believe that. You don't need to feel the pressure to have the latest statement necklace or graphic tee. If you want to join the challenge on Instagram, tag your photos of your combinations from you closet with #noshopsummer. Not into that? That's ok. You can still participate on your own (tell a few friends or have them join you!), see who else is participating on Instagram and encourage us along our journey. 

Mother's Day

A restaurant brunch, mimosas, bouquets of flowers and a corsage for church, heartfelt cards, mani/pedi and massage gift certificates, maybe even a rose bush for the yard. It's the quintessential Mother's Day. And if that was your day, lucky Mama! I'm sure you enjoyed every moment of it with your family.

But if you're the mom of littles, I'm guessing your day looked a little more like this:

Her hand is in a heart, but since she cried and cried after I "took" it from her, I gave it back to her knowing it would somehow end up torn. Tape to the rescue, I guess. It'll make a cute story one day. 

This is the best photo we got... And not because it's funny. Because they're all looking up. 

The Beginning of a Dandelion Bouquet

A giagantic store bought cookie that I purchased along with some sides for our
impromptu, at-home cookout... because I wanted it. 

As a mom of the "Kindergarten-and-Under" crowd, I'm still learning that a Mother's Day that suits my whole family is better than a picture perfect one. Last year I told my husband all I wanted was to go to a restaurant and get a nice picture with all 3 of my kids. So we went to a restaurant and suddenly the baby started to have a mind of her own (this was the moment we realized we don't go out to eat as a family EVER and she had NO IDEA how to behave in a restaurant), throwing things on the floor an squealing. And I got a picture with me and each of the girls, but not with my Bubby Boo... Because he wasn't into it. About 20 min into our Mother's Day restaurant adventure, we were shaking our heads wondering why we tried to put our square pegged family into the nice, smooth, round hole of Mother's Day. Duh.

When you expect 3 kids to pose perfectly for your Mother's Day photo op, or a 2 year old to sit still in a restaurant for more than 30 min without disturbing EVERYONE in the restaurant, or for your little ducklings to go shopping for 2 hours without protest, or for your toddler to be able to skip that afternoon nap... Well, you'll likely be disappointed. And for us, that has meant skipping larger family celebrations, which makes me sad, but I know in the end that it's torture for everyone. Me, the kids, grandparents, great-grandparents, the strangers in the restaurants... Really. And, as much as the cynic in me has some jokes about it, I'm pretty sure Mother's Day wasn't meant to be torture.

I'd love to go out for a lunch that includes a mimosa, a beautiful bouquet of flowers, gifts to pamper myself and a picture of me and my children all smiling, eyes open and facing the camera, I know that day will come, and it will probably come sooner than I want it to. For now, I'll take that Johnsonville Brat my husband grilled with 3 store bought sides and accompanying store bought giant cookie and a bottle of water while I watch my 3 kids playing in the back yard, blowing bubbles and picking me a dandelion and clover bouquet on a sunny day. 

A sweet little moment of hugs and kisses (once it was evident that a "good" picture wasn't happening)

The Highlight Reel

In my "Wow" post I quoted my friend who mentioned "The Highlight Reel". That's how she thinks of her Instagram account. The best in her life. I'd say that's the majority of what we all post to social media. The good, pretty, special, endearing moments in our lives, regardless of the number of "friends" or "followers" we have. 

Silly selfies with my Bubby Boo.

The obligatory cute boots in snow. 

 

Fabulous food

(spinach salad with cherry tomatoes, pan roasted brussel sprouts, grilled chicken and hummus... although someone pointed out that the top piece of chicken looks like a cow looking right at the camera!)

I see nothing wrong with having a highlight reel. Be thankful and positive for all to see!  But as with all things, it comes down to intentions. And maybe in the case of social media it comes down to the intentions of the "friend" or "follower" more than the owner of the highlight reel. 

For me, I connect with my "friends" and I gain inspiration from those I "follow". And when I'm looking at social media, there are times I have to remind myself of those things as I feel that subconscious "social media induced depression" start to kick in. I remind myself why I'm "there" rather than simply switching over to Candy Crush or my email or deciding to shut it down because it puts my perspective back where I want it. Back to connecting or being inspired. 

Another thing about this highlight reel... I have one and it's completely staged and cropped and filtered. Rarely am I able to claim #nofilter or #noedit there.  If you just looked at my personal Instagram account you'd think everything was nice, tidy, fashionable, cute and snuggly. I can assure you it's not. Those pictures of clutter on the blog's Instagram and Facebook accounts are from my own home. I definitely don't need to go far to find less than perfect things! Here's my most recent post that participates in the most recent @uneditedlifeproject photo challenge #uneditedselfie: 

I have a few convenient reasons for not wearing my outfits when I post them. 1. I don't own a full length mirror in an area with enough light to get a picture. 2. I can't imagine what my husband would say if I asked him to take a picture of me for my outfit post every day! He's not a big fan of social media (doesn't even have a Facebook account!). 3. I know that laying out my outfits is easier to see and more appealing in photos.

But the less convenient, more difficult to deal with reasons for not posting the "full body shot" (yes, read it like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite) are 1. My hair is pretty much always up in a pony tail or clip because this momma ain't got time for doin' hair, and I haven't mastered the top knot. (Ok, I haven't even attempted the top knot.) 2. This would also mean that I'd need to put on makeup at an inconvenient-for-me time of day. 3. (This one is the REAL reason) I've had 3 kids, all by c-section, and haven't been able to get back into shape.  Honestly, it's been brutal on me because it's so much harder to find the time to exercise and prep meals to help me get back to where I need to be. It's frustrating. At times I'm so disappointed with myself. The last thing I want is pictures of me looking the way I do. 

So there it is, folks. My #uneditedselfie and my big plan. Wish me luck... I hope to be posting results to my highlight reel soon.

Hobbies, Intentions and Priorities

I recently read somewhere that you should have 3 hobbies that don't include a screen. My first thought was, "Who has time for THREE hobbies?! I don't have time for ONE." Ok. Clearly I have some time if I'm sitting here writing a blog from which I make no money. But tonight I decided to pick up a hobby that has been put on hold for a while. Beading. A friend needed some of her bracelets restrung and I offered to take care of that.

While my intentions were good, like most of my hobbies, I couldn't finish the project. In this case, I just need my friend's wrist to make sure I need to add that last bead. 

And while my intentions are good concerning this blog, I do need to make sure my priorities are in order. I also want to make sure I'm not blogging if I don't have anything good to say. I'm not here to waste my time or yours. Promise. 

I aim to share my relevant unedited life and thoughts about being real and connected a minimum of once a week. (I don't want you to forget about me.)

I just thought you should know what's up. 

And to be "unedited" about it, you should also know that I have materials for all kinds of hobbies. I dabble in everything. My husband bought me a craft cabinet a few Christmases ago. It's a fabulous thing, but incredibly unorganized right now and housing some kids games, too.

All those compartments - fabulous! The way I have them stuffed - not so much.

 I do crochet and knit. I'm much better at crocheting.

I have a lot of fabric and a sewing machine, but I can't sew. I took a class once and made a pillow. That's pretty much it for my sewing career.

One day I'll make a decision on what hobbies to keep, because one day I'll be able to have three. But for now I'd like to know who else is in the same boat... One hobby, three or just a lot of supplies?

"I'm not having a bad day"

I said that this blog was about being real, so here's the real of my day: Today about did me in.

My kids woke up WAY too early for a day off of school. They aren't old enough to get their own breakfast or go for long periods unsupervised. So, early to rise it was.

Our kids are into playing Wii Sports Resort, so that went on after breakfast. We're trying to teach them how to win and lose gracefully and that there should be no whining and crying when it's time to turn it off. After today's episode, we need to add to the list that if an adult is trying to show you how to play the game, you don't cry and scream and repeatedly yell, "I will do it! I can do it myself! Don't touch my remote!!!"

We went sledding... that was the high point of the day.

We came home, ate lunch and sent the older kids to the back yard to play, but no one wanted to go outside (you know, since there's no hill and the snow isn't as abundant as it has been). Sorry kids. Mommy NEEDS you to go outside. They stayed there for about 30 minutes. Long enough for me to make two phone calls (one of which should have been made 2 weeks ago). 

They come in and play a game with daddy. Yay! They cry and scream at the end of it. Boo. Dinner time. More crying, screaming and fighting. Boo again. The middle child was so in orbit, IN ORBIT, I tell you, just about hyperventilating, telling me she's going to throw up (she didn't), over having to eat grilled chicken. It took her about 30 minutes to get over it. Super boo. She calms down then goes to play in the same room as the other two. Then the oldest hits the middle child in the face with a car, on purpose, because she won't leave him alone. BOO.

Somewhere in the middle of it all I had to, HAD TO, disconnect myself from it. You can absorb only so much, take responsibility for the insanity, attempt to make it better/fix the problem (mommies are very susceptible to doing these things). But then there comes a point where you have to realize that YOU are not having the bad day. She is. He is. Not you.

Now, I've said before that this isn't a Mommy Blog, and I mean it. So stay with me.

Have you ever been so involved in a project or event or relationship that you felt that its success or failure depended on you. That if it didn't go well that you were to blame and fingers would be pointed at you and it would certainly be detrimental to your reputation? Did this pressure weigh on you and make you a little crazy? What if you were able to take a step back and say, "I'm not having a bad day. This ____________ is."  Would the pressure and tension subside a little? Would you be able to empathize with the other people involved and maybe connect with them a little better? 

I wish I could say I realized I wasn't having a bad day earlier than I did. I may have been able to head off a few tantrums and curb some dinner time anxiety (probably my own). And I definitely would have been able to connect with my kids better. The good news is, there's always tomorrow.

What are you so involved in that you could benefit taking a step back to look at it and see that it's separate from you? I'd love to hear. I think we all would. Because we need to hear that someone else is experiencing the same thing. 

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