Hobbies, Intentions and Priorities

I recently read somewhere that you should have 3 hobbies that don't include a screen. My first thought was, "Who has time for THREE hobbies?! I don't have time for ONE." Ok. Clearly I have some time if I'm sitting here writing a blog from which I make no money. But tonight I decided to pick up a hobby that has been put on hold for a while. Beading. A friend needed some of her bracelets restrung and I offered to take care of that.

While my intentions were good, like most of my hobbies, I couldn't finish the project. In this case, I just need my friend's wrist to make sure I need to add that last bead. 

And while my intentions are good concerning this blog, I do need to make sure my priorities are in order. I also want to make sure I'm not blogging if I don't have anything good to say. I'm not here to waste my time or yours. Promise. 

I aim to share my relevant unedited life and thoughts about being real and connected a minimum of once a week. (I don't want you to forget about me.)

I just thought you should know what's up. 

And to be "unedited" about it, you should also know that I have materials for all kinds of hobbies. I dabble in everything. My husband bought me a craft cabinet a few Christmases ago. It's a fabulous thing, but incredibly unorganized right now and housing some kids games, too.

All those compartments - fabulous! The way I have them stuffed - not so much.

 I do crochet and knit. I'm much better at crocheting.

I have a lot of fabric and a sewing machine, but I can't sew. I took a class once and made a pillow. That's pretty much it for my sewing career.

One day I'll make a decision on what hobbies to keep, because one day I'll be able to have three. But for now I'd like to know who else is in the same boat... One hobby, three or just a lot of supplies?

"I'm not having a bad day"

I said that this blog was about being real, so here's the real of my day: Today about did me in.

My kids woke up WAY too early for a day off of school. They aren't old enough to get their own breakfast or go for long periods unsupervised. So, early to rise it was.

Our kids are into playing Wii Sports Resort, so that went on after breakfast. We're trying to teach them how to win and lose gracefully and that there should be no whining and crying when it's time to turn it off. After today's episode, we need to add to the list that if an adult is trying to show you how to play the game, you don't cry and scream and repeatedly yell, "I will do it! I can do it myself! Don't touch my remote!!!"

We went sledding... that was the high point of the day.

We came home, ate lunch and sent the older kids to the back yard to play, but no one wanted to go outside (you know, since there's no hill and the snow isn't as abundant as it has been). Sorry kids. Mommy NEEDS you to go outside. They stayed there for about 30 minutes. Long enough for me to make two phone calls (one of which should have been made 2 weeks ago). 

They come in and play a game with daddy. Yay! They cry and scream at the end of it. Boo. Dinner time. More crying, screaming and fighting. Boo again. The middle child was so in orbit, IN ORBIT, I tell you, just about hyperventilating, telling me she's going to throw up (she didn't), over having to eat grilled chicken. It took her about 30 minutes to get over it. Super boo. She calms down then goes to play in the same room as the other two. Then the oldest hits the middle child in the face with a car, on purpose, because she won't leave him alone. BOO.

Somewhere in the middle of it all I had to, HAD TO, disconnect myself from it. You can absorb only so much, take responsibility for the insanity, attempt to make it better/fix the problem (mommies are very susceptible to doing these things). But then there comes a point where you have to realize that YOU are not having the bad day. She is. He is. Not you.

Now, I've said before that this isn't a Mommy Blog, and I mean it. So stay with me.

Have you ever been so involved in a project or event or relationship that you felt that its success or failure depended on you. That if it didn't go well that you were to blame and fingers would be pointed at you and it would certainly be detrimental to your reputation? Did this pressure weigh on you and make you a little crazy? What if you were able to take a step back and say, "I'm not having a bad day. This ____________ is."  Would the pressure and tension subside a little? Would you be able to empathize with the other people involved and maybe connect with them a little better? 

I wish I could say I realized I wasn't having a bad day earlier than I did. I may have been able to head off a few tantrums and curb some dinner time anxiety (probably my own). And I definitely would have been able to connect with my kids better. The good news is, there's always tomorrow.

What are you so involved in that you could benefit taking a step back to look at it and see that it's separate from you? I'd love to hear. I think we all would. Because we need to hear that someone else is experiencing the same thing. 

For more Unedited Life Project photos and commentary, follow @uneditedlifeproject on Instagram or visit www.instagram.com/uneditedlifeproject

Follow Unedited Life Project on Facebook at www.facebook.com/uneditedlifeproject

When Lightening Strikes

Did you make a New Year's resolution? There are so many kinds to choose from. There's the health/weight loss goal. The make-a-list-and-check-them-off approach. There's always the resolution to do good and volunteer somewhere. And then there's the introspective, think long and hard about it, kind. I wish I could say I was all introspective when I chose that one word to dwell on for the year, keep at the front of my mind and make it a daily part of my life. I didn't though. It more or less hit me like the proverbial bolt of lightening. 

It happened during my last MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting. (I hope you've realized this isn't a Mommy Blog. But just in case you haven't, it's not.) One of the other women shared her story of how she has spent her life comparing herself to others and where that got her and how she keeps that in check. (I don't want to give it away just in case I can convince her to share her story here.) I've got to say, people. Her honesty and transparency was powerful. Not one of us moved while she was speaking. I'm not sure I was even breathing. After she shared, we watched a video from MOPS International. I don't remember the name of the author/blogger that was interviewed. (Total fail... I'll call my MOPS coordinator and find out.) She mentioned that same bit of "social media induced depression" we've heard about in the media and said that we become depressed because we are comparing ourselves and our lives to the things and people we see that are edited, staged, contrived and touched up. When she said instead of comparing ourselves to others we should connect with others, I had it. CONNECT. That's my word.

And, seriously, it was like everything fell into place. I went home and made an outline (um, haven't done that since high school) of who I wanted to connect with, how, when and what I was going to do to make sure I was connected in real life, not just virtual life. 

I need to connect with people... REAL, physical, right in front of me people. Not through social media (oh, the irony). But I knew I needed to start Unedited Life Project because this thing about what social media does to use needed to be dealt with, and I'm not one for letting things like that go.

When I told my husband about my lightening bolt experience and starting the blog and the crazy amount of people that joined @uneditedlifeproject on Instagram after @karlareed's moment of honesty, he asked, "What is it that makes us want transparency?" Being the philosophical genius that I am (yes, you should laugh at that), I told my husband, "Transparency, however small, creates connection. And connection paves the way for relationship. And we were made to be in relationship." (I was so surprised at my eloquence I even said, "Wow. I should probably go write that down.")

There it is. I plan to be intentional to connect with people this year. So, if you know me, look out, because I'm coming for you. And although it may not be your word for the year or on your list of resolutions for 2014, I hope you're willing to be even a little transparent in order to connect with those around you. From what I've seen so far on Instagram, through this blog and through my intentional connections in the past week, good and encouraging things come from doing just that.

For more Unedited Life Project photos and commentary, follow @uneditedlifeproject on Instagram or visit www.instagram.com/uneditedlifeproject

Follow Unedited Life Project on Facebook at www.facebook.com/uneditedlifeproject

Blindsided

There I was, undecorating my Christmas tree, when I saw it. The tag on an ornament.

Usually this wouldn't be a big deal. It might even be a little cute because it's my daughter's name, even spelled the same. Katherine. But it was a big deal. It stopped me in my tracks. There I was, standing in front of this dried out Christmas tree with tears in my eyes. You see, this ornament is from my Aunt Lynn. Katherine Lynn was born and named 3 days after my Aunt Lynn unexpectedly passed away. (And here I am, crying while I type.)

This has actually happened a lot over the past 21 months. (I will forever know how long it's been because it's Katherine's age.) It hasn't happened often as it did 21 months ago, but every once in a while I'll find something that reminds me of Lynn or something that Lynn gave me, or, even worse, the time I saw someone that looked and walked just like her, and I'm again slapped with the reality that she's gone. That I can't call her. That she isn't in her downtown condo anymore. That Thanksgiving will be at my house because she's no longer here to host it. That she never got to visit my new house... or meet my youngest child that is named after her. (Many, many more tears.) 

I know many of us are walking around with the pain of loss. It's definitely one of those things we try to stuff deep down and keep a lid on so that we aren't crying in the parking lot of Panera. (Yeah, that happened.) I don't know how you deal with this kind of thing, but I haven't talked much about it, mostly because it makes me cry and I hate crying in front of people. I've posted a few things on Facebook and Instagram at appropriate moments like Thanksgiving or on the anniversary of her death. Why is that? Probably because I don't want anyone to think I'm a hot mess. (Enter that social media image I don't want to tarnish.) But if you're in my "circle of trust", you know this has been difficult for me, it catches me by surprise and as painful as it is, I don't want the reminders to disappear and it's the sharing and talking about it that helps. It helps me, it helps others, it creates connections and builds relationships.

Below is what I wrote for for Lynn's memorial service:

"Do I have great memories of my Aunt Lynn? Of course. Sensational stories of times spent with her? Sure. But those aren't the things that first come to mind when I think of Lynn. I think of the way she naturally shared what she felt was important for me to know about life, fairness, responsibility and family. I never felt lectured or talked down to. She had a wonderful way of bringing these to me in everyday conversation. I'm sure there were plenty of times she thought I didn't understand what she was saying or that her point went over my head because I opened my immature mouth to prove just that. But she never voiced that and never made me feel like my opinion was juvenile or inferior. She would just patiently wait for another opportunity to share again with me.

Lynn always gave her support. Whether it was my elementary school concerts and college voice recitals or helping me make decisions to find a job after college; from being there to share in the joy of getting my driver's license to moving to the city, or marrying my husband and the the births of our children and everything between and beyond, I knew Lynn had confidence in me and would do anything she could to help.

I also think of her as a pillar of strength. She had an amazing way to remain calm, focused and sensible in some of the most difficult circumstances. I knew I could count on her for sound advice. I knew she would be there if I needed her.

She was my friend. She listened. She cared. She was thoughtful, giving, fun to be with, and there through good times and bad. She shared her life with me and wanted to share in mine.

All these things are why my husband and I are proud to name our daughter, only 3 days old, Katherine Lynn. May she grow up to be as strong, supportive, caring and sensible as my Aunt Lynn."

Lynn holding my son, Kaden, who was only a few hours old.
I can't tell you how much I cherish this picture.

For more Unedited Life Project photos and commentary, follow @uneditedlifeproject on Instagram or visit www.instagram.com/uneditedlifeproject

Wow

Wow. I was not expecting this. 

The response to my crazy idea is overwhelming and humbling! I ended yesterday with 689 page views on the blog, 80 Instagram followers on @uneditedlifeproject and 4 pics tagged #uneditedlifeproject. Which was surprising enough after only a few days.

Then my good friend Karla (IG: @karlareed - you follow her for her fabulous style pulled together from her amazing thrift finds) posted a pic of her unpacked suitcases left over from Christmas vacation to her 20K Instagram followers with an amazing caption. (And if you didn't see the post, you can see it here: www.instagram.com/karlareed - click on the picture of the open suitcases.) @uneditedlifeproject is now over 900 followers, the blog has had over 1100 page views and over 70 pics have been tagged #uneditedlifeproject. And the comments... all the comments! Everywhere! Wow. Just... wow. Thank you, Karla, for not being afraid to post your unedited life in your "highlight reel".  

I'm amazed by all the followers. Grateful for them! But stats aren't everything. I know all those followers and page views means that people want to feel like they aren't alone. That they're normal. That the pressure is taken off. I'm excited about all the tagged photos. That means there's some transparency going on around our social media world. I hope everyone continues to share some truth with their audiences every now and then. 

Now here's a little bit of my unedited life:

I texted Karla this morning to thank her and give her the stats (we're detail people... we like that stuff). She said the post helped her feel a little less pressure. Look at what I said (and the conversation is cropped because this is "Unedited Life", not "Open Book Life") :

Yep. I had fallen into the social media trap of thinking that my online life needs to be perfect. Thought out. Staged. And all in the midst of trying to combat that. Oops. This was, of course, remedied by my Unedited Life post on my personal IG account.

"That moment when the single people stare at you, the people with children knowingly smile and all you want to do is crawl in a hole." 

I really hope everyone finds this project encouraging and freeing. Don't be a hot mess all the time. Just know that when you are, we've all been there.

What was your Unedited Life moment today? 

For more Unedited Life Project photos and commentary, follow @uneditedlifeproject on Instagram or visit www.instagram.com/uneditedlifeproject

Look, Mommy! The sky is pink!

"Look, Mommy! The sky is pink!"

We looked out from our family room, and behold! My beauty-loving 3 year old daughter was right. 

I'm glad she pointed it out because sunsets don't last long. And we've been under cloud cover since last year, it seems. I'm glad my 3-going-on-13 year old girl says what's on her mind. We would have missed this beautiful sky otherwise. 

I wanted to share this with you because while real life is sometimes messy and complicated, it also has moments of beauty. Moments of fun. Wonderful times that turn into wonderful memories. Those things will be shared here also... unedited, of course. Difficult, pull-your-hair-out, frustrating times aren't ALWAYS happening to me, and I doubt that is your reality, too. 

I hope you enjoy the happy and maybe even pretty things posted in this blog. As always, the pics will be unfiltered and unedited. Because this is real life, and we should all stop to see the sunset once in a while.

O, Christmas Tree!

Yes, this is my Christmas tree and it's still up. I know it isn't so ridiculously past Christmas that everyone is judging me, but if you look closely at the tree skirt, the ornaments are voluntarily leaving the wilting branches. 

And here's one that didn't quite make it. I think he fell a few days ago. Poor twisted snowman.

It's past time for the tree to come down, but everything that is has a story: I have 3 children (5.5 yrs, 3.5 yrs and 1.5 yrs - yes, they all have birthdays in April. You can go ahead and make fun of me.), a husband who works midnights and about 65-70 hours per week. On top of all that, my husband has been studying for the last 5 or 6 months during all of his "extra moments" for a promotional exam. So as much as I would like to take down the tree, I just have more pressing things to take care of (namely doing dishes, changing diapers and making dinners). Around January 4 I realized this task isn't going to happen until my husband takes that exam. 

So, who else is in the same boat? Who else is sitting there with your Frasier Fir looking less than glorious and no idea when you'll be able to take it down? Don't be shy. Raise your hand and let me know. This is unedited life... where we can all be real, admit we aren't perfect and polished all the time and have dried out Christmas trees in our living rooms well after kids have gone back to school. 

For more Unedited Life Project photos and commentary, follow @uneditedlifeproject on Instagram or visit www.instagram.com/uneditedlifeproject

Life... Unedited

Have you heard the news????? People are more depressed after looking at social media sites. (fb, IG, tweet, tweet... you know what I'm talking about.) Do you know why? Because almost everything looks wonderful, beautiful or adorably cute in a photo. Statuses are typically either happy news we have to share, funny or witty. We don't usually air out our dirty laundry over social media. I have seen honest posts about the gigantic mess your toddler just made (still kind of cute though, right?), or tragic things that we want our friends present and past to know (illness, death in the family), but those aren't what fill most of our news feeds.

Hmmm... What to do? If you know me personally, you know my life isn't perfect. My kids don't do cute crafts all the time while smiling and singing cute little songs all the live long day. My house is generally a toy infested disaster area. I usually have to remove my pretty jewelry to do dishes or clean, or I've had so much sensory input for the day that I can't stand to wear a necklace any more. But if you looked at my social media profiles (just the photos), you'd think it's all peachy over here. Happy kids, picked up house and awesome accessories all collaged, filtered and sometimes with lovely text and doodles over them.

But that's not real life. That's edited life. And almost all of us have an edited life we put out there for the world to see. Don't get me wrong. I'm not shutting down my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I'm not going to start posting weird pictures and status updates just to prove I'm not perfect. I don't know that you should either. But, I do think we need to be real and we need to know that other people are real and actually struggle or live with monotony most of the time. So, (surprise, surprise) I've created this blog and hope to encourage you in your day-to-day of unphotoworthy and possibly difficult times. 

What this blog WON'T be:

1. I'm not going to whine about my life here. 

2. I'm not going to post everything I've done today that isn't exciting. I'm not going to post things with no meaning. Who would read that?! 

3. I'm not going to encourage you to be a loser. The last thing I want to do is make you to think that it's ok to whine, complain, and be a lazy, disorganized mess when you, in fact, could have your act together. 

What this blog WILL be: 

1. Honest. A place for you to come and read about something real and people who are real (the first post will be about the Christmas decor that is STILL up in my house... Tree and all!).

2. A place to feel encouraged that life gets messy sometimes and that's ok.

3. A way to connect with others that are going through similar situations. 

4. A way to know you are not alone.

5. This will be the blog connected to the Instagram profile @uneditedlifeproject (if you aren't on Instagram, you can still see the photos at www.instagram.com/uneditedlifeproject ) You can hashtag your Instagram photos #uneditedlifeproject (keep it rated G... I will sooooooo report your photo if you don't). I plan to feature a photo of someone else's a minimum of once a week just to show the world there are real people going through real (or boring) things. If you want to participate, know that your photo may be reposted and PLEASE include a story of what's going on as your caption. 

Disclaimers:

1. I'm not doing this to make money. Please. I chose a free blogging site and chose the most boring background for it!

2. My photos will be unedited. The grammar and spelling will be checked, but English was not my best subject, I was NOT an English or Journalism major in college, so if that bugs you, I'm sorry! I hope you can forgive me and maybe be my editor one day. :)

3. Not everything here will be a "Debbie Downer". If you know me, I'm kind of funny. (Just kind of, though.) I'll share good things, too. Mostly moments of triumph that involved some struggle, after all, I'm trying to keep it real.

3. I'm  doing this to encourage you wonderful people out there. Social media can subconsciously do number on us. But it's part of our culture and our world. Almost unavoidable. So, "be careful little eyes what you see"... And choose to have them see good, true things.

4. You can email me at uneditedlifeproject@gmail.com if you don't want to leave a comment.

Thanks for joining me in this project. Get ready to see life... unedited.